Infertility

Never in a million years did I think I would be updating this post, but here we go…

Our journey to become parents did not come easy. It was filled with years of pain. I share this post because when I was going through infertility, there was barely anyone talking about it. I share because I pray this story can help you or someone you know find hope…

I married Casey in 2009, and in 2011 we started making plans to start a family. Something in me said we should start trying sooner than later. We wanted to give birth to a child, and then adopt. Adoption had been something we discussed while dating, and we knew wanted to do it one day. Little did we know the journey that was waiting for us…

July 2011: I just felt like something was “off”. I had always had really bad periods, but I thought that was normal. Isn’t everyone unable to function when they start? Doesn’t everyone have huge clots that come out? No, that wasn’t normal. I went to the doctor, and they were pretty sure it was endometriosis, but only surgery could confirm. My first surgery showed that, indeed, I had stage 4 endometriosis. It was everywhere, even growing on my bowels. I also had a tilted uterus, and an ovary so mangled that it was almost removed. After three agonizing years of surgeries, shots, IUI’s, drugs, and never-ending fertility treatments, we were left with a choice: IVF or stop trying. I felt like such a disappointment. Like I couldn’t do what God put me on this earth to do! Why?! Why was God doing this to me?! Casey was my rock. He would always remind me that we would be parents one day, no matter how the story played out. He was right.

After lots of prayers, We decided we were both done trying. We have never felt such PEACE from the Lord like we did making that decision! It was amazing. We never looked back. We were ready to move forward with what we had always felt called to do: Adopt!

July 2015: We traveled all the way to wonderful China to adopt our beautiful daughter. International adoption is amazing, and I would do it all over again if it led me to her. Four years after that, we were surprisingly blessed with another daughter thanks to domestic adoption. Our girls are perfect, smart, hilarious, joyful, and so much more. I always say that Casey is my laughter, and my girls are my light. Adoption is beautiful, hard, sad, joyful, and so many emotions I can’t accurately express. I’m here to chat with you if you have any questions.

Let me tell you: Pregnancy does not make you a mother. Read that again. PREGNANCY DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MOTHER. Love does. I know a lot of moms that have given birth, but they aren’t mothers. There are a number of ways we are called to become a mom, and blood is certainly NOT the only way.

Through that journey, I learned that you can make all the plans in the world but until God is ready for it to happen, it won’t happen. It sucks! The waiting SUCKS. I am not here to try and make you feel better about it. That was a really dark time for me. I had to constantly surround myself with family and friends. I had to stay in the Bible. I had to find JOY in the waiting. I had to know when to step back and take breaks. I had to get off social media where people post pictures of their kids 24/7. You have to listen to yourself, your body, and your heart! When I was weak, HE was strong.

My girls were absolutely worth the wait. I would do it ALL over again if it meant having them. My struggles, my journey, my prayers, the wait, it all led me to them! That’s a chapter in my story that I will always be so thankful for.

****** EDITED TO ADD*******

2020. A miserable year full of lockdowns and fear. But for us? A year when a miracle happened. In October, we found out we were pregnant!!! HELLO, did you read everything we went through from 2011-2013?! Stage 4 Endometriosis? A mangled ovary? ALL those fertility treatements that never worked?! I knew that pregnancy was never in the cards for us. But God, full of His infinite wisdom, had other plans. So goes the story of my life. One that I would never re-write.

In those three years when we tried so hard to get pregnant, it was not the right time. I am a huge fan of doctors. I had fertility doctors that truly did all they could do to try and get me pregnant. But those doctors? They could use all of the medicine in the world , but unless God the creator wants to bring a human being into this world there is nothing a doctor can do to create a baby. Period (no pun intended).

Humbled. Thankful. Honored. Scared. Excited. Joyful. Anxious. Those are just a few things I am feeling as I type this now at 14 weeks pregnant. I can’t wait for this new journey.

Here’s to another chapter in our story…

photo by: Brittany Conner Photography